Have you ever felt like you’ve lost complete control? Whether that it’s getting so angry it literally consumes you, or even being so worried or anxious it makes you feel ill physically. I understand if you have, because I certainly have been there.
For years, I lived in a paradigm where I could not control my emotions, and I didn’t understand why. I just assumed that I was one of those emotional people who had a harder ride than most. This thinking, of course is very naive. But when you lack awareness on certain topic you tend to gloss over the details. So if you’ve ever felt like that, it’s OK! It just means there’s a gap in your knowledge. In this article I will show you why YOU must try to control your emotions.
”Man will only get better once you show him what he is like” – Anton Chekov
Now of course there are variables to this. Is it good to lose control at times? Yes, however that depends on the situation and the person. One person’s limit can be way beyond anothers. Essentially this is about getting to know yourself even better, so that you know what you respond to and of course how to deal with it. For example certain sports stars thrive off anger and aggression to pump themselves up and get into ‘state’, however others don’t and when they do fall into that state their game falls apart. So as I said, it depends on the situation and the person. However in most cases when you lack emotional discipline you will FAIL!
Why do you need emotional discipline?
Well just like being on a diet or trying to lose weight, if you keep consuming and thriving off things that are not good for you, it will eventually begin to take it’s toll on your body. Just like anything, too much of something is usually a bad thing! You need emotional discipline because without it you will be reactive to everything in the exterior world. You will find yourself more weighed down by life and more angry and bitter by the littlest of things. The reason for this is because your emotions don’t know any better, they are acting according to nature. Your genes will act based on evolution, which will want you to act much like the apes from 2001: A Space Odyssey (YouTube it if you don’t get the reference). These are primitive but very real parts of us and the only real difference between us then and now is the evolution of human consciousness over time. That is where you must stand up and take responsibility for your life.
So, is this all down to genetics and evolution?
No, but that does play a part. There are some evolutionary biologists who say that we should ignore our genetic impulses because they essentially don’t make us happy. I disagree, I think we need to indulge in them to some degree because we are human, whether that’s in recreation, career, relationships, etc., but this should not come at the expense of others. As I’ve previously mentioned in other articles on dogoodcoaching.com, a lot of our past trauma is repressed and if face a situation that you are uncomfortable or fearful in (anger is a cousin of fear), then you will essentially replay out that trauma and act it out in real time. The problem with this is that when you do that, nobody around you understands why you are doing what you are doing, and yes they will judge you. Once you react, you’ve lost. This is especially pertinent with relationships, as every time you react to a situation it causes a small crack in your relationship with your partner. You may not notice, they may not say anything, but rest assured they are reacting just like you but internally and their genes are telling them this person is NOT a good mate, they are not genetically healthy. Get out while you still have a chance! Now this might not happen instantly, but the seeds have been sown for your own downfall…
”Once you react, you’ve lost.”
The other side to this is that when you emotionally react you lose control. And it’s very difficult to calm yourself down and think rationally, straight afterwards. You can then make severely bad choices as a consequence and it can spiral out of control. With greater awareness you can ‘snap’ out of it. But the aim is for you to be in a state of calmness and serenity where you are not affected by anything. That’s not telling you to be a cold fish, but to take a step back and realise that most things aren’t improtant and it’s only you placing importance on them through conditioning and the narrative you’ve told yourself.
If you have any existing trauma, work through it. This can be done by working in sessions with myself or by accessing the various parts of your life that you are unhappy about. The key isn’t to beat yourself up, if you’ve been like this, but now you are aware you need to take control and force the habit of change. It’s not an easy thing to do, but when you monitor yourself it’s a lot easier to put in place.
Try the one day challenge – which is going through an entire day without negatively emotionally reacting to the world, if you are able to do this then rinse and repeat the process until you get to a week. You will be much stronger and less likely to repeat those actions there after. Although it takes a solid month to change a habit, the suggested steps are a great place to start! So why not start today?
If you would like to contact me about anything you’ve read, have any questions or comments, or would like to get in touch for a coaching session please feel free to reach out on this site or message me on [email protected]
Please also check out my YouTube video on Emotional Self Control below for more information.
Remember emotional self control, or you will end up losing more than just yourself!
TAGS: EMOTIONAL SELF CONTROL, REACTING, HEALING, TRAUMA